Volunteer Tilly/Transcript
Green's House, front yard (Episode title appears on a chicken feed sack; Tilly scoops some feed out.) Tilly: Eat up, my feathery friends! (Three chickens start pecking away at the feed.) Tilly: Ooh, don't think I forgot about you, Herbert. (She feeds Herbert an ear of corn.) Tilly: Oh! Hi, Brett! (Brett arrives, walking two dogs.) Brett: Heya, Tilly! (the dogs pull him away) Whoa!! (The dogs gather around Tilly, and she cuddles them.) Tilly: (laughs) Well, hello there! (they lick her cheeks) Oh, my! (laughs again) Brett: Man, Tilly! You really have a way with animals! Tilly: That's because I see animals for who they really are: people. Brett: Y'know...I work at an animal shelter. You could come down to volunteer sometime! (Zoom in on a wide-eyed Tilly.) Brett (OS): You get to hang out with the animals all day, and play with the animals, and feed the animals, and...take care of the animals! Tilly: Heaven does exist! Yes! Yes! I volunteer to be a volunteer! (raises hand) Brett: That's cool. Living room (Cricket and Gramma sit boredly on the couch.) Gramma: Guh. Cricket: There's nuthin' good on. (Channel 11 News is on the TV; a drab-sounding anchorwoman is reporting.) Anchorwoman: Today in world news, for the first time ever, nothing happened. (Channel changes to an also drab-sounding man with a chart.) Chart man: Welcome...to the chart channel. (Channel changes to a rowdy punk-dressed teenage boy.) Punk Teen: Uh...what up?! And welcome back to The Prank Tank! Cricket: Yup, this is what we're watchin'. (throws the remote away) Punk Teen: It's me, your boy Duncan! And for today's wacky prank, we filled Principal Johnson's car...WITH SPLISH BRAND SODAAAAA!! (Airhorns appear onscreen and start honking.) Punk Teen (Duncan): Let's check it out!! (Changes to the scene of the prank.) Principal Johnson: (hums; opens car door as soda spills out) What the...? Oh, come on, what is that? Soda? Duncan: (jumps on top of the car) WELCOME TO THE PRANK TANK!! (Cricket and Gramma laugh hysterically.) Cricket: They got him good! Oh, man. I wanna prank someone! Gramma: Me too! But who? Bill (OS): Oh, no! (Outside, Bill's shirt sleeve is somehow nailed to the fence.) Bill: Gosh darn it, Bill! Did you just nail your shirt to the fence again? (laughs) (Cricket and Gramma start laughing to themselves as if spotting who to prank.) Kitchen (The phone rings; Bill enters.) Bill: I didn't know anyone was callin' today. (answers it) Green residence, Bill Green speakin'. Cricket: (on phone, voice disguised) 'Ello! I'm from the Department of Lost and Found. Are you missing anything? Bill: I...don't think so. Cricket: What about your...butt? Bill: My...butt? Cricket: Yeah, can you do me a favor and check? (He doesn't know he's being spotted.) Bill: Well...sure. (looks at his butt; pauses to laughter) Uh...everything seems to be in ord -- (realizes) Wait a minute...! (Cricket and Gramma slide in.) Gramma (laughing) Cricket: Ha! We got you, Dad! (blows airhorn) Bill: Oh! (chuckles) I guess you did "get" me, huh? Well, thanks for the laugh, guys. (leaves) Gramma: Think he'll fall for another one? Cricket: Only one way to find out. Big City Animal Shelter, kennel Tilly: Wow, Brett! You volunteer here? Brett: No, I get paid. You volunteer. Now let me introduce you to all the dudes. (Pans across a row of dogs and cats in their kennel boxes.) Brett: Everyone, raise a paw for our newest volunteer, Tilly Green! Tilly: Wow! (She starts browsing the various animals.) Tilly: They're wonderful! And each one is absolutely adorable! (stops at an ugly-looking chihuahua) Whoa! Uh...uh...okay, well...if everyone is adorable, then no one would be. And -- oh!! (She gasps in sight of a white bulldog with black ears and a patch at the end of the row.) Tilly: Oh, my goodness. (walks up to it) Aren't you a charming fellow? I think I'll call you...Ivanhoe. (The dog, Ivanhoe, licks her hand on the glass.) Tilly: And we will be friends...forever! (Montage: Tilly feeds the dogs their food, pets the cats, gives Ivanhoe a treat and eats one herself, takes Ivanhoe and three others for a walk but they get distracted by a squirrel, gives Ivanhoe a bath and he bathes her in turn, and tosses a ball for Ivanhoe to catch.) Tilly: (laughs) Oh, Ivanhoe! You're so much fun! Don't tell anyone... (into Ivanhoe's ear) But you're my favorite. Brett: (comes in) Wow, Tilly! I'm impressed! You'll do great today at the adoption fair! Tilly: (confused) "Adoption fair"? Brett: Our goal is to find the animals love and homes and you know, say goodbye forever! Tilly: Say goodbye...forever? Brett: (waving Ivanhoe's paw) "Goodbye, Tilly!" Tilly: (laughs nervously; in her head) Oh, no. Green's house, kitchen Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:A-Z